Hi Reader,
Next week, I’m heading up to New Hampshire to tour wedding venues (just FYI, a new podcast episode is queued up, but I will be taking a break from this newsletter while on vacation).
In addition to my fiancé, both my parents and his will be joining this venue quest.
No, this story isn’t setting up another email about conflict; our parents get along remarkably well, and my future mother-in-law has defied the monster-in-law stereotype in every way.
Instead, I want to talk about the forces that shape us as humans.
Until you’re in a long-term relationship, the kind that fully integrates you into someone else’s family dynamic, you can never really see how other families live (or maybe you were the kind of kid who lived at your friends’ houses - we tended to be the house that people lived at, so I never really had this experience).
I find it fascinating how many of our assumptions of what’s “normal” are actually just things we take for granted because they happen within the walls of our childhood homes, whether good or bad.
For example, my family can be a little militant about dividing up food equally. Bacon is counted, and each person at the table is told how many slices belong to them before the meal even begins. Leftovers are often stored in individual containers labeled with the name of the person they belong to.
We also put elbow noodles in our tomato soup, which I’ve never seen anywhere else. For the record, it's also the best/only way to make tomato soup and I have no plans to stop.
My fiancé’s family has its own rituals around food. The same is true for travel, evening downtime, and so much more. Things I would have never even thought to question before getting a firsthand view of how another family does things.
When writing, this phenomenon is relevant in two ways:
First, it’s something you get to play with as you develop your characters.
What assumptions have they grown up with? How do your characters’ expectations differ from each other? What could one character do, thinking it’s perfectly normal, while another character looks at them as if they’re a headless chicken running around the farmyard?
The applications for a romance are obvious (think of the misunderstandings & comedic moments you could create), but it will work for other genres as well (think of ways your characters could butt heads on the road in a fantasy quest).
There is so much fun to be had and so much depth to create for your characters as you think about their unique experiences and how that changes their approach to everything from everyday tasks to big, life-altering decisions.
Second, it’s something to watch out for as you revise.
Where have your assumptions as a writer ended up on the page? Have you taken a shortcut in your descriptions, assuming readers will follow along even though they may have a completely different interpretation of what’s happening? Have you built your world around a set of beliefs that you think are universal when they’re merely a product of the culture you were steeped in growing up?
It’s not always easy to see those blind spots for yourself, which is where feedback comes in, but just being aware of the way that your assumptions and norms color your writing can help.
Keep in mind these assumptions and norms aren’t a bad thing, just something to be aware of as you prepare to share your writing for a broader audience. What’s totally normal to you could be completely atypical for the person picking your book up at Barnes & Noble‘s in the future. You can absolutely bridge the gap for them by making the unconscious explicit, but you have to know what’s guiding you beneath the surface first.
Now I’m curious. What’s something you grew up thinking was totally normal for everyone, but actually turned out to be super specific to your family? Reply and let me know!
Better Writing
This week on the podcast, I’m sharing the podcast version of the 8 lessons I’ve learned since I started editing & book coaching that I shared in this newsletter a couple weeks ago.
Watch or listen here!
Better Living
The end of the school year makes me feel a bit nostalgic for my teaching days. I remember how good it felt walking out the door in June, that feeling of exhaustion mixed with accomplishment mixed with excitement that you get to try it all again next with a little more wisdom under your belt.
If you’re a teacher, congratulations on making it through another year. Your work is so important, and while the next generation might not appreciate your hard work yet, I do!
Enjoy your summer - you deserve it!!
Better Reading
I’m almost done with Quicksilver by Callie Hart* and still loving it, but I'll likely finish before my vacation week starts and I will need a new stack of books to bring with me. Any summer reads you recommend? Send them my way!
Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful week and happy writing!
With love,
Olivia
Your story matters. Let's make it great.
Curious to know how I can help? Check out my services here. I can't wait to work with you, so you can write the book your future readers are waiting for!
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